I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
