My room smells like vodka and shame
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
