how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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