it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
worst night to have a conscience
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
