You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
