drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
