I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
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only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When are your genitals available?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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