do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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