I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize