His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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