Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
