I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
