I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
