Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
