Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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