Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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