Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize