you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
