Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
