My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
