My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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