He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am available for nakedness
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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