Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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