I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
