lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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