I could make wine with my vomit
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
how does that bad decision feel?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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