This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
