I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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