I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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