Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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