I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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