I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
