I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
