And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
