I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
