the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He felt like a one man threesome
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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