I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
vagina is talking i cant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
