what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
