wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Come on in and take your pants off
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