so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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