I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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