i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
