I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The feeling are messing with the penis
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
