hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
