I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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