I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
