I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
