Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
