Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
