If i come over, it means nothing
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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