im drinking this country out of the recession.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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