Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
