Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
