wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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