he wants to bone in the snuggie
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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