she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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