wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
