im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
