I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish you could order shots online.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
