This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize