god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
