So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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