OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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