i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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