What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
