3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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