so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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