If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
