She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
