Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
