I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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