marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
